Locker Room Talk

Yes, just like the title suggests, I’m taking you into the privacy of the Men’s Locker Room. Hold your judgements for one second. What you discover might just surprise you.

You might want to grab a drink for this..

What does “locker room talk” mean to you? I’m hoping you’re not thinking like Donald Trump here. He made the phrase so infamous that many athletes and sportsmen had to come out and speak against his notion of the term.

Basically, what I refer to as locker room talk in this article is the types of conversations that take place where two or more men are gathered. In a space where they are comfortable, where there is no judgement, and, most importantly, where there are no women allowed.

A space where men are free to be men and boys are allowed to be boys. A place men come into before and after dripping sweat all over the gym floor. Where they hit the showers and come out good as new. And, as you’ve probably guessed, a space where they are also barely clothed.

I feel like that last piece of detail is important because, if you are comfortable enough to strip down to your underwear without fear, the types of things you’d say will also be free of all dressing and embellishments.

But how did a young architect coming from Nigeria end up in a men’s locker room on Westheimer Road? Well, it all started with a decision to:

Yup, I hit the gym. That is how I ended up here. At the time I started working out, my motivation for subscribing to a gym membership was somewhat different. By the time I subscribed, life had happened. I was homeless and I needed a place to shower, ease myself and clean up. So, here I was.

The conversation I’m about to share with you happened on a Sunday afternoon. Around the time I figure most religious people would be in their places of worship. I had just finished working out and just stepped out of the shower. As I reached my locker there was another man close by. On seeing me, he said: man, I’m so tired.

Ladies and gentlemen, that was the beginning of a very interesting conversation. A conversation between a 25 year old black man and a 62 year old white man.

No, my conversation was not with Arsene Wenger but it might as well have been. Back to the topic:

James, my locker room buddy was tired. He was at a wedding the night before and fun fact; James is a very good dancer! Apparently there were about five ladies seated that wanted to dance but their husbands were not as excited. You would not believe that a few of them asked their husband’s permissions to dance with James and their husbands allowed them.

All of them were blown away by James' ability to dance. A couple of them got too close and my good man, James, had to remind them their husbands were right over there. Yeah, I know right. Long story short, the night wore on and the party ended. James was left alone with no one to go home with.

A little over a year ago, James lost his wife. He has since gotten over his loss through his connection with God and is now looking to get back on the horse again. Being in James' exact position — of trying to find someone to date that also wants to date me — I could completely relate to the overwhelming feeling of loneliness James experienced that night.

James and I proceeded to talk about the struggles of finding the right partner. James told me how he was this close to being with a lovely lady. Only to discover that she smoked and that was a deal breaker for James so he called it off.

At 62 years old, you can tell that James is the old school chivalrous type. He’d never be with someone who doesn’t share his values and would not sleep with a woman he isn’t dating. I wish I could be like James. Anyway, the conversation gets better.

James told me about one defining attribute of women now adays as opposed to when he was my age. He said: back in the day, women used to want the man to lead and they would happily follow. These days, there are all sorts of gender role issues going around. As you might expect, it’s a bit hard for James to understand this. How do you deal with it? He asked me.

After recovering from the initial surprise of being asked this — I mean, I’ve been single for four years now — I went on to explain how I see the male-female dynamic of our time.

I told him: for us today, we see the marriage relationship as a partnership really. While some hold on to the notion of the man being the head of the house, we don’t necessarily throw that weight around. We see women as our partners these days in every sense of the word.

So, we both have a say in how things happen in the relationship, we help each other where we can and make sure we live in a way that allows each of us reach our highest potential without affecting the other person’s growth.

I really do not remember his response to that but I was pleasantly surprised that someone at his stage in life was struggling with the same thing I am struggling with today: finding a suitable life partner. It helps to know that I’m not alone in the struggle.

We reminisced a bit about his Thirty years of marriage to his wife and the elements that made the marriage last so long. The commitment and effort it took to sustain that. I told him I was happy that he had experienced such a loving relationship and I hoped to experience that myself.

We wished each other well and parted ways.

On a final note, having remembered he was a praying man, I did promise to pray for him as well. It’s funny now that I think about it but, even if God hasn’t sent my own soulmate my way, perhaps if I prayed for James to find love again, someway somehow I would be content that there is one less lonely man in the world.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I had a very interesting locker room conversation with an elderly man at the gym. I’ve met other people and had such conversations but I just wanted to share this one with you.

Maybe when next you enter a room full of strangers, you would be less hesitant to greet them and maybe even ask how they are doing.

You never know what conversation you could have that could change everything for you.